Stuff You’ve Probably Wondered About Your Therapist (But Felt Weird Asking)

Straight talk from a trauma + relationship therapist who sees actual real humans in Hamilton, Burlington, and beyond...

Let’s be honest, therapy is weird. Beautiful! Transformative! Sacred! But also…weird.

You go into a room (or a screen), spill your guts to someone who nods kindly and says things like “hmm” and asks “where are you feeling that right now?” and then you leave.

You might find yourself wondering: “Does she think about me after I leave?” "Is she secretly tired of my crying?" "Is this therapist thing even real or is she just really polite?”

As a therapist who works mostly with trauma and relationship stuff (so, feelings on feelings on feelings) I can tell you: these questions are super normal. And since you might be too shy to ask me directly, I thought I’d just answer them here. Ready?

Do you think about me between sessions?

Yes. I’m not a goldfish.

I don’t forget about you the second the Zoom call ends or you walk out the door. Sometimes I think about something you said that I want to follow up on. Or I’ll hear a podcast, watch a show, or read a meme and think, “Omg this is so [insert your name here].”

Now, I’m not obsessively journaling about you in candlelight. But you do pop into my brain sometimes, because I care about you and the work we’re doing. And honestly? I think that’s how it should be.

Do you actually like me, or are you just being nice?

Oh, I like you. Truly.

Even if you feel like a mess. Even if you talk in circles. Even if you show up late or need to rehash that same story again.

There’s no “ideal client” I’m waiting for to stroll through the door. You are a real person doing hard work and I deeply respect that. We are in this weird little healing bubble together and I don’t take that lightly.

Are you judging me when I tell you my stuff?

Nope. I’m too busy being impressed by your bravery.

Seriously...telling someone the messy, tangled scary stuff? That takes guts. I’m not sitting there thinking, “Wow, what a disaster.” I’m thinking, “This makes so much sense, and I’m honoured they’re trusting me with this.”

I’ve heard it all. You’re not going to shock me, and you definitely won’t get judged.

What if I cry every session… or don’t cry at all? Is that weird?

Nope. Cry. Messy cry. Quietly cry. Use up the whole box of tissue. Also...don’t cry. Yell into a pillow. Sit in silence. It’s all welcome!!!

Some people sob before they even sit down. Some people stay stone-faced for months and then one day tear up over a bagel. Your emotional process is not a performance. It’s yours.

I’m not grading you on tears-per-minute.

Do you ever get bored in session? Like, be honest.

Okay, real talk? Sometimes therapy gets stuck. But you are never boring.

If things start to feel a little Groundhog Day, that’s actually a sign we might be circling around something deeper that wants attention. That’s interesting to me. I don’t need fireworks to stay engaged. I just need you to be real—and I promise to be real right back.

Can I talk about you in therapy? Like, tell you how I feel about our relationship?

YES!

Honestly, one of the coolest parts of therapy is that we get to talk about the relationship itself. Therapy is a kind of relationship rehab for a lot of folks, especially if you’re healing from trauma or messy dynamics in the past.

If something feels off, or really good, or even a little intense between us...yes, bring it up. That’s where the magic is.

Are you being real with me? Or just super trained to look empathetic?

I mean, I am trained. But also I’m a person.

When I smile, laugh or get misty-eyed, that’s me. Not “Therapist Me.” I’m not pretending to care. I actually do.

That said, I won’t trauma-dump my life story into your session or start venting about my dog’s dental surgery (unless it’s highly relevant). This space is for you. But yes, I’m real in here.

Do you ever feel sad or overwhelmed by what I tell you?

Sometimes, yes. But it’s not a burden.

If your story moves me, I let it. That’s part of being human. But I’ve got my own support systems (like consultation, peers and dark chocolate) to help me process what comes up. You don’t have to protect me. I can hold it.

Also, I’ve been doing this work long enough to know how to take care of myself so I can keep showing up fully for you.

Can you really handle all of what I’m bringing?

Yes. Pinky swear.

Especially if what you’re bringing feels big, complicated, emotional or like a total hot mess...those are actually my people. The ones who feel too much, or not enough. The ones with tangled pasts and anxious hearts and messy relationships.

This is what I do. And I’m here for all of it.

Does my therapist do all the things she tells me to do?

Okay, so…mostly. But not always perfectly.

Look, I’m not sitting on a mountain of mindfulness eating kale in a perfect state of nervous system regulation. I’m a human. I’ve got my own stuff, just like you do.

I absolutely believe in the things I recommend: like setting boundaries, breathing through hard moments, being kind to your inner parts, or not texting your ex at 2 a.m. (and I know that sometimes those things are easier said than done.) The difference is, I practice. I try. I catch myself. And I’ve done (and continue to do) a lot of my own work, so I can show up for yours with as much integrity as possible.

So yes, I walk the talk but sometimes I forget to acknowledge my parts, or I get hijacked by strong feelings and I trip too. That’s just real life.

A few last things from your local trauma & relationship nerd

If you’ve ever spiralled after a session thinking “Was that too much?”...please know that I’m probably thinking “I’m so glad they trusted me with that.” or "Whew, yes, so glad they got there!"

Whether you are in Hamilton, Burlington, or curled up with your laptop under a blanket somewhere else in Canada:

• you are allowed to wonder about your therapist

• you are allowed to ask the awkward stuff

• you are allowed to bring your whole self!

I’ll be here. Judgement-free. Possibly holding tea. Definitely rooting for you.