Couples+ Therapy

Which Kinds of Therapy are available?

We use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Couples Method, Internal Family Systems (IFS, IFIO), Narrative Therapy, and other integrated styles.

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What brings you to therapy? Here are some common themes...

 

Trauma

You have landed in the right place because trauma and relationships is our special focus!

Trauma can profoundly impact a relationship -- whether it's one or all partners. Unresolved trauma may manifest as emotional triggers, difficulty trusting, or challenges in regulating emotions...and this really hurts communication and intimacy. When both partners carry unresolved trauma it can show up as repeated misunderstandings or conflict that feels utterly insurmountable. Couples therapy offers a safe space to explore how trauma influences the relationship dynamic so that changes can be made.

 

Therapists work with couples to identify trauma-related patterns such as avoidance, hypervigilance, or emotional reactivity, and to understand how these behaviours hurt their bond. By building awareness and empathy partners begin to understand what triggers stress or injury with each other. This understanding lays the groundwork for greater compassion and patience when the tough stuff comes up in daily life.

 

Our therapists use trauma-informed approaches to help couples rebuild trust and safety. You will learn to co-regulate your emotions and provide each other with the support you both need to heal. By addressing trauma together, couples can strengthen their connection and create a resilient, supportive space for your relationship to heal and grow.

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Attachment Styles

Attachment styles develop in childhood based on the relationship we had with our early caregivers, and these styles impact how we bond with our partners as adults. These styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—shape how we receive and respond to intimacy, trust, and conflict with our partners. In couples therapy, you can being to understand what your attachment style is and what your partner's attachment style is. This can create real insight (or aha moments) and past experiences and conflicts can begin to look very different. 

 

For example, if you have an anxious attachment style you may seek constant reassurance, while your partner who has an avoidant attachment style may be emotionally withdrawn and have difficulty expressing their needs. When these styles interact they are polarized! In a lot of ways you are playing two different sports (to use an analogy). This creates negative loops of behaviours: one partner chases closeness while the other retreats. In couples counselling, you and your partner can identify these patterns and develop a deep understanding of each other’s fears and unmet needs.

 

What would it feel like to have mutual trust and emotional availability in your relationship with each other? Your therapist can show you ways to reduce blocking defences, to build empathy, and to find ways to emote healthily. You can co-create a stable, nurturing bond where both of you feel valued, safe and loved.​

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Communication

It's no mystery that healthy communication is at the core of any successful relationship. When communication dissolves—whether through criticism, defensiveness, or avoidance—it can create distance and resentment between you. Couples therapy supports the rebuilding of communication and includes practical skills for sharing thoughts, feelings, and needs (effectively).

 

How you get there depends on who you are as a couples, and which therapy style you are working with. You may be learning to use "I" statements to take responsibility for or truly own your feelings; you may be learning to identify and speak from the many parts of you so that you and your partner can see the whole picture; or you may even be working on being a better "active listener" -- this means you aren't waiting for your turn to speak, but you are actually absorbing and holding space for what your partner is sharing with their words, eyes, and other body language.

 

Do you know how to have (healthy) conflict? So often we see couples where one partner freezes and goes blank during arguments, or needs to walk away to take time to process; meanwhile the other partner can more easily embody language during conflict and wants to attend to things now...they may even see needing time to process as abandonment. Both of these positions are valid. Wouldn't it be great if you could find some middle ground? Your therapist can share strategies to manage conflict and regulate your emotions so that you can enjoy more productive conversations.

 

Therapy can also explore nonverbal communication, such as body language and tone of voice. Sometimes we say one thing with our mouth and say something very different with the rest of our body. This can be triggering for the partner receiving this mixed message -- it can feel like gaslighting or simply feel unnerving (with little clarity as to why). Understanding what you are doing and what your partner is doing together can reduce misunderstandings, build confidence and make daily life so much better. ​

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Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most challenging events a relationship can endure. It is essentially an attachment trauma. It can end a relationship but it can also strengthen a relationship. It depends what the infidelity looked like, and why it happened. Couples therapy provides a structured environment where each of you can speak to what is happening for you, and to process the emotional pain, anger, and betrayal you are experiencing. The goal is not just to address the affair but also to uncover and address what got you to this point.

After an infidelity you can feel quite desperate when you reach out for help. Your therapist can help you rebuild trust by creating a space of transparency with agreements and boundary setting so you can move forward with a plan. (Having a plan can be one way to restore some semblance of safety after a betrayal trauma has shaken the ground you walk on.) This process often involves both partners taking accountability—one for the betrayal and the other for any dynamics that may have contributed to the relationship’s vulnerabilities. Through guided conversations, couples learn to express their feelings and to listen without being defensive. It can feel so freeing to step into truly honest communication.

 

While rebuilding trust takes time, therapy offers tools to promote forgiveness and redefine the relationship so it can feel stronger and more intentional (instead of reactive). For many couples, the healing journey becomes an opportunity to create a deeper connection and address unresolved issues that may have been overlooked before the betrayal occurred.

 

We have had couples who start out in crisis and find themselves feeling grateful for the journey because they have grown closer in the process. In other situations therapy can be a space where couples discover that they are not compatible and they have a space to grieve this and to (in some cases) collaboratively dissolve the relationship. Every situation is different! What we can tell you though is that our approach is secular. We are here to support each of you in your own best interests.

 

Values

Shared values (or respected differences in values) are essential for a strong, functioning relationship. When you and your partner align on core belief -- such as family priorities, career ambitions, or spiritual practices -- it can strengthen your bond and provide clarity during decision-making. Differences in values where there is a lack of respect or understanding can lead to tension, particularly if this goes unacknowledged or unresolved.

 

In couples therapy, partners are encouraged to explore individual and shared values. This process encourages mutual understanding and uncovers areas of alignment and divergence. For instance, one partner may prioritize financial security while the other values spontaneity and travel. Understanding these differences allows couples to negotiate compromises that honour both perspectives.

 

Together you can clarify a shared vision for the future while respecting each partner’s individuality. By focusing on shared goals and navigating differences with empathy you can create a relationship that feels balanced and supportive, even when your values do not fully align.

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Sex

Sexual connection is a vital aspect of intimacy in many relationships, yet it can often become a source of frustration or conflict. Challenges such as mismatched libidos, unspoken desires, or unresolved emotional issues can create barriers to a fulfilling sexual relationship. Couples therapy offers a safe space for you to discuss your sexual needs and concerns openly, often for the first time.

 

Your therapist can guide you to discover how emotional intimacy, communication, and external stressors are impacting your sexual connection. You can learn to identify and express desires, name preferences, and set boundaries in a way that promotes understanding and closeness. Techniques such as scheduling intimacy, exploring fantasies, or addressing physical concerns can also be part of the therapeutic process.

 

Reigniting or strengthening a couple’s sexual bond often leads to deeper emotional intimacy and satisfaction in other areas of the relationship. By fostering vulnerability and mutual respect, you can overcome challenges in your sexual relationship and enjoy a renewed sense of connection.

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There are many other reasons couples come to therapy! We are here to hear you and support you!

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