Anxiety, much like anger, sadness, and other natural human emotions, is often pathologized. It is frequently labeled as a "negative" or "bad" emotion—something to be suppressed, eradicated, or overcome. Even the language surrounding it, such as "Panic Disorder" or "Generalized Anxiety Disorder," reinforces the perception that anxiety is inherently problematic. This framing can shape our relationship with anxiety in a way that fosters self-judgment and frustration. Many people find themselves asking, "Why can’t my anxiety just go away?" or "Why do I have this problem?"
However, what if anxiety is not the enemy? What if, instead of fighting against it, we learn to understand and work with it? Approaching anxiety from a non-pathologizing perspective—such as through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy—allows us to view it not as a flaw, but as valuable information that reflects our inner experiences and needs.
The Evolutionary Purpose of Anxiety
From an evolutionary standpoint, anxiety has always served a vital function. Early humans relied on their ability to detect threats and respond appropriately for survival. Anxiety signaled when danger was present, prompting a fight, flight, or freeze response. While modern society no longer requires us to evade predators in the same way, anxiety remains deeply embedded in our nervous system, continuing to alert us to potential risks—whether physical, emotional, or social.
For instance, anxiety might surface before a big presentation, signaling the importance of preparation. It might manifest as hypervigilance when walking alone at night, prompting safety measures. It might arise in response to subtle social cues, nudging us to repair a relationship or establish boundaries. Rather than viewing anxiety as a malfunction, we can recognize that it is trying to protect us, guide us, and keep us connected to our needs and environment.
When Anxiety Becomes Overactive
While anxiety serves an essential role, there are times when it becomes overwhelming, persistent, or disproportionate. This can occur due to various factors, including genetic predispositions, hormonal imbalances, or chronic stress. A particularly significant factor is unresolved trauma—whether from childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. When past experiences of fear, loss, or neglect remain unprocessed, the nervous system may remain in a heightened state of alertness, interpreting current situations through the lens of past wounds.
Anxiety and Relational Trauma: Two Examples
Example 1: Elia’s Fear of Abandonment
Elia enters into a new relationship with Sierra, a vibrant and busy professional who balances multiple interests. While she ensures quality time together, Elia finds himself increasingly anxious about the relationship. Unbeknownst to Sierra, Elia’s mother abandoned his family when he was 15, and his first romantic partner betrayed his trust. His anxiety, once a helpful tool for alerting him to immediate dangers, has now become hyperactive, seeking to prevent further emotional pain. It convinces him to check Sierra’s phone in secret or preemptively sabotage the relationship to avoid potential heartbreak.
IFS therapy would view Elia’s anxiety not as a defect, but as a "protector" part attempting to shield him from past pain. By acknowledging and working with this anxious part—rather than suppressing it—Elia could learn to differentiate past wounds from present realities, communicate his fears openly, and build secure relationships.
Example 2: Zara’s Chronic Hypervigilance
Zara grew up in a household where her father’s emotional abuse created an unpredictable environment. While she was never the direct target of his aggression, she spent years monitoring her parents’ interactions, bracing for possible danger. Even after moving out and starting a new life, her anxiety persisted in social and professional settings. She could not understand why seemingly benign situations triggered feelings of unease and tension.
In a non-pathologizing approach, Zara’s anxiety would be seen as an adaptive response rather than a disorder. Her nervous system had learned to remain in a heightened state of vigilance for survival. Through trauma-informed therapy, she could develop tools to regulate her nervous system, reassure her inner parts that she is now safe, and gradually shift from chronic stress to a sense of calm and security.
Anxiety as a Messenger
Approaching anxiety with curiosity rather than resistance can transform our relationship with it. IFS and other non-pathologizing therapies emphasize that every part of us—including our anxious parts—has a positive intent. Anxiety is often trying to protect us, even if its methods are outdated or maladaptive. Instead of suppressing or resenting it, we can:
Acknowledge its presence – Notice when anxiety arises and identify its triggers.
Understand its message – Ask, "What is this anxiety trying to tell me? What is it protecting me from?"
Reassure and integrate – Work with anxiety rather than against it, offering it new strategies to keep us safe in a balanced way.
For Elia, this might mean sharing his fears with Sierra and asking for reassurance when needed. For Zara, it might involve engaging in grounding exercises to signal safety to her nervous system. In both cases, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to help it adapt to present-day realities.
Working Alongside Anxiety
Anxiety is not an enemy to be conquered—it is a signal to be understood. By shifting our perspective and embracing a non-pathologizing approach, we can move from frustration and shame to insight and self-compassion. Rather than fighting against anxiety, we can learn to listen to it, honor its intentions, and ultimately guide it toward a more constructive role in our lives. When we do this, we not only foster emotional resilience but also cultivate a deeper sense of connection with ourselves and those around us.
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Our Registered Psychotherapists at Making Space Psychotherapy can help!
-Shannon D'souza, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
Making Space Psychotherapy, Burlington Office